Stay
by MyPassionateMusician
Summary: I can't do this anymore. Why do you keep going back to her? Please, for once, show me you love and stay. Show me we don't have to live this way.


So my favorite song at this moment is a country song and I'm obsessed with it. I watched the music video for this song and it was so sad that I started to cry. And I was thinking "this could be an awesome music video for Instant Star." And then I was thinking that this could be a good fanfic. I have to say it was a little hard to write this but I got it down in an hour and a half.

I think it turned out pretty good. If not, it's 3:30am right now and I started this at 2am. So, I'm a little groggy right now (i think that's the right word). Anyway, I hope you enjoy!!

Disclaimer: I do not own Instant Star or the song Stay by Sugarland.

* * *

_I been sittin' here starin'  
At the clock on the wall  
_

I woke up with a yawn escaping my mouth. I looked around and saw you next to me sleeping peacefully. I smiled and kissed your shoulder gently. I turned around and carefully got out of bed. I didn't want to wake you up just yet. I went into the kitchen to get some coffee. I looked at the clock on the wall next to the counter. It was almost ten in the morning.

I looked away from it and sighed. Then I closed my eyes as I opened the refrigerator door. Suddenly, I decided I wasn't so thirsty. I closed the door and leaned against the cold wall and looked at the clock again. The seconds were ticking by so fast and I was begging for them to take a lifetime. I started to bit my nails and looked down the hall at the bedroom door. That where you lay, and I knew soon you would wake up.

_And I been layin' here prayin'  
Prayin' she won't call  
_

I glanced at the clock again knowing she was going to call you soon. I shut my eyes and actually prayed that she wouldn't. I knew my prayers wouldn't be answer though. They never did. I heard you open the door and my eyes went straight to the floor. If I looked at you it would be even harder to let you go. But it didn't work. You came over and lifted my head with you finger under my chin. You smiled and kissed me deeply.

I could have melted in your kisses. They were the sweetest things I have ever tasted and I couldn't get enough. We pulled away and I pulled you into a tight embrace. I didn't want to let you go, ever. I loved you too much to even think about it. I looked at the clock again and it read 10:15am. Time was going way too fast for my taste. All I could do was close my eyes and enjoy being in your arms. That's all I could do at the moment.

You kissed my cheek and that's when your phone rang. You literally had to pull my arms off of you. I just watched you walk back to the bedroom.

_It's just another call from home  
And you'll get it and be gone  
And I'll be cryin'_

I followed you and saw you pick up the phone. I knew it was her wondering where you were. I knew you were going to say some lie. I knew you were going to go once you hung up. And I knew I was going to be left here without you once again. "I fell asleep on one of the couches," you said to her. You looked at me but I looked away. I heard you sigh tell her that you'd be right there.

I could feel my tears coming up and I willed myself not to cry in front of you. I heard your footsteps making the wooden floor creak a bit but I still didn't look your way. You kissed my neck tenderly and the tears came pouring down one by one. You kissed my cheek, my temple, my hair, and then finally my lips.

It was your famous goodbye kiss routine. I hated that routine more than words could say. You saw my tears and wiped them with your thumb. You kissed me one more time and started to put on your pants and shirt. I could hardly watch you knowing that you were leaving me once again. You were leaving me for her once again. You put on your sneakers and looked at me. You gave me a kiss on the cheek and walked out of the bedroom.

_And I'll be beggin' you, baby  
Beg you not to leave  
But I'll be left here waitin'  
With my heart on my sleeve_

I stood there for a minute but I ran after you. I grabbed you arm to stop you. You turned around and looked at me curiously. I was always taught not to show my emotions. But with you I couldn't help it. I just wore my heart on my sleeve when you were around me. I pulled you closer to me and hugged you tightly. You returned the gesture without hesitation. The tears just wouldn't stop coming out from my eyes.

"Please don't go," I whispered in your ear. "I'm begging you don't go." I felt you tighten your hold on me. I reluctantly pulled away to look into your iceberg eyes. You examined my face before putting on a sad smile. I knew what that meant. It meant you were leaving no matter what. I just couldn't tell if it was reluctant or not.

I turned my face away from you. I could feel your warm breath next to my ear. "I love you," you whispered, and then I heard the door slam.

_Oh, for the next time we'll be here  
Seems like a million years  
And I think I'm dyin'_

Sobs came and I started to cry even harder. Every single time you left my heart would break one more time. It hurt so much to watch you walk out my door. I knew we would be together again. It always happened. It was inevitable. But it was just way too long. It felt like I couldn't breathe until I was in you arms again.

I looked at the door before I walked back into my bedroom. I looked around. It felt so empty without you in it; so cold.

_What do I have to do to make you see  
She can't love you like me_

There was a picture of you hiding in my drawer that you didn't even know about. I opened it and looked at you beautiful face. I knew I was being selfish, wanting you all to myself. I could tell that she really loved you but it wasn't the same. She could never love you like I do. I tried so many times for you to see it but it was like you ignored me.

Not in a million years could anyone love you as much as me. It was impossible. I could give you things she could never in her life give you. I didn't see why you always went back to her.

_Why don't you stay  
I'm down on my knees  
__I'm so tired of bein' lonely  
Don't I give you what you need_

I dropped down to my knees in a fit of sobs. I clung to your picture thinking it was the only way to be close to you at that point. There was no reason to go back to her. She didn't love you like I did. Just once, I wanted you to stay. I wanted you to come and stay with me forever. Without you I was nothing; I felt nothing. You were something that kept making me get up in the morning.

All those times I begged for you to stay, you still went saying those three precious words into my ears. I didn't like the feeling of being alone, and I only felt it when I wasn't near you. That was the only time I felt truly alone. The room seemed to get colder without your warmth surrounding me. I looked at your picture again and kissed the frame. I felt pathetic but I couldn't help it. I loved you so much that it hurt.

I still didn't understand what it was that made you keep going back to her. Was it me? Did I not give you enough? Didn't I give you what you needed? Was she better than me? I couldn't understand the reasons. I didn't even know if there were any. Maybe there was just something missing between that she could give to him. I didn't know, and I never would. I tried my hardest every single time, but I guess my best would never be good enough.

I got up and put the picture back in the drawer. I sat on the bed the tears finally subsiding. All this crying was making me sick. I wrapped the comforter next to me around my body believing it was your arms instead. I sniffled and breathed in your scent that you had left for me.

_When she calls you to go  
There is one thing you should know  
We don't have to live this way  
Baby, why don't you stay (yeah)_

Every single time she called you, you never hesitated and it hurt. It hurt that you ran to her. For once, I wanted you to run to me. I wanted you to show me that you wanted me with you. Did you even know that it didn't have to be this way? When she called you, did you know you didn't have to go and leave me here? It didn't have to be this way at all. All you had to do was stay. Just stay and all of this could've ended.

I didn't want to keep hurting every single time you left. We didn't have to live this way.

_You keep tellin' me, baby  
There will come a time  
When you will leave her arms  
And forever be in mine_

I felt like a ghost when I kept watching you and her together. It was almost sickening. I couldn't concentrate on anything when I saw you smile at her, kiss her, and hold her hand. I was so angry at the fact that she could have you. I ran my hand through my blonde my hair and walked away to get some space. You kept telling me that one day this will be all over. That you would leave her for me.

I prayed for that day so many times. I could imagine us being happy together. You would always talk about it and you would seem so excited talking about the life that we were going to have. But you always said I had to have patience. You just had to wait for the right time to do it; the right reason. It had been five months since you've said that. And there you are still in her arms and mine still empty.

_But I don't think that's the truth  
And I don't like bein' used  
And I'm tired 'a waitin'_

After a while I got the picture. You were lying to me the whole time. I tried so hard to believe every word you said. At first it was hard not to believe you. Now, it was too hard to believe you. You had so many opportunities. She would call me when you walked out on her after a fight, and you would show up at my doorstep every time.

I started to feel like I was just something that you could let your frustration out. I didn't want to believe that you were using me but that's the way it seemed. I reluctantly looked up again to see you leaving her to me. You brushed shoulders with me purposely. It was the way you showed your affection towards me. But only I knew that. In her eyes it was just an accident. But I knew you all too well. With all this love and affection you should already be with me. You shouldn't be with her anymore. I had been waiting for months and I still end up with nothing in the end.

The sad part is, is that every single time I say to myself "I'm done" I also know I'm lying to myself. You could always keep me waiting. I don't know what power you had over me but it was working. It pulled me to you. Every time I want to give up, hope whispers, "one more try." And I listen…I listen every time.

_It's too much pain to have to bear  
To love a man you have to share_

It was so hard not to cry when I saw your smiling faces. Both of you were so happy and I was alone until the next time we were together. If only you knew how much pain you caused me. Would you even care? To see you leave me, knowing that you're going to her, is just too much to bear. I wanted to love you and I wanted you to love me and only me. It was like I was in a game to win you over, but I was losing badly. She would win everyday and every night. I tried my hardest to win you. Because I never wanted to share you with her. I never wanted to share you with anyone for that matter. I wanted you to be only mine but it wasn't working out that way.

_Why don't you stay  
I'm down on my knees  
I'm so tired of bein' lonely  
Don't I give you what you need_

When you came over again, you stayed a bit longer. I was so happy about that. You ignored her phone calls and I was thinking that maybe this time you wouldn't leave me crying for you. We just stayed in bed looking at each other and I couldn't help but smile. It was late at night and it was freezing but I didn't care. I was perfectly comfortable with him staring into my blue-grey eyes. These were the moments I thought that I knew he loved me. These were where my hopes were coming from. I heard you cell phone ring again and suddenly you jumped out of bed to get it.

I looked at you hurt and you gave me an apology. You looked at the caller ID and sighed. You exchanged glances between me and the phone. "Please," I begged as I shook my head. You bit his lower lip and flipped your phone open. I fell back on the bed and tried to keep my emotions under control as I heard you talk to her. After about five minutes you closed his phones and started to put on his pants again. I stared at you in such a hurt expression that I hoped you would understand what he was doing to me.

You were going back to her again and I still didn't understand why. You came over to me and did your routine goodbye kiss and started to head out the door. I couldn't take it anymore. I grabbed his hand and fell on my knees. "Please stay!" I cried. I could tell this hurt you. "I'm begging you don't leave me alone again. Just tell me what you need and I'll give it to you!" I saw you shake your head. "Just please, stay with me."

_When she calls you to go  
There is one thing you should know  
We don't have to live this way  
Baby, why don't you stay (yeah)_

"I have to go," you said as your voice broke.

"No, you don't," I tried to convince you. "You can stay here forever. You keep saying you want to so prove it!"

You shook your head again and pulled your hand out of my weak grip. I sob came out as I saw you walk out of my bedroom once again. I watched you as you reached the door. I saw you hesitate at the doorknob. You turned to me to see me crying. Guilt was all over your features. I took this opportunity to prove to you that you didn't have to go. "We don't have to do this over and over again!" I shouted across the house. "You know that you don't want to leave. Look at me and tell me that it won't be a mistake!"

You tilted your head slightly. I knew you wanted to hold me. I could tell it in your beautiful eyes. But, yet, you turned the doorknob and walked out slamming the door. At least, that night I got to you.

_I can't take it any longer  
But my will is gettin' stronger  
And I think I know just what I have to do_

Again, I saw you two being so happy together. My heart was crumbling little by little. It was slowly killing me. It wanted to make me suffer. I couldn't take it any longer. If I did, I would've died knowing you weren't ever going to stay. I waited for you at my house that night knowing you two had gotten into a fight. You would always come after one of those fights. I knew what I had to do.

_I can't waste another minute  
After all that I put in it  
I've given you my best  
Why does she get the best of you_

I couldn't waste anymore time wasting my life away over something I would never have. I worked so hard to have you all to myself. I had lied for you and put up with so many of your own lies. But it just didn't make any sense anymore. There was no point of fighting for what I wanted when they didn't want me. I had given you my best and it still wasn't enough. She always had you the most. She always had the best of you. It just wasn't fair.

_So next time you'll find  
You wanna leave her bed for mine_

I heard you knock on my door. I knew it was you. You had a special knock just for me, so I would know to let you in. I walked slowly dragging my feet. I opened the door and let you in. Right away you attacked me. At first, I kissed back, forgetting my morals like I had for all those months before. It was so hard not to fall into you. But, suddenly, my brain started working. I pushed you away gently and you looked at me confused.

This was going to be the hardest thing I'd ever have to do. I kissed you once more, but it was soft and sweet. I wanted you to know that I did love you and I always would. "We need to talk," I confessed and you backed up from me.

_Why don't you stay  
I'm up off my knees  
I'm so tired of bein' lonely  
You can't give me what I need_

You're eyes seemed so confused. I didn't want to clear your confusion either. I didn't want to say what I had to say. My heart was begging me to keep you but I knew I couldn't. I was so tired of being left alone every night. It was fair to my heart. For the first time I wouldn't be on my knees begging you to stay. I had to show that I was strong, though it was so hard to do. I looked up into your eyes and almost lost my will. "I won't ask you to stay this time," I said to you. Your eyebrows furrowed. "I'm going to ask you to stay…at home…with her."

I didn't know if you knew how much it was hurting me to tell you this. "I don't understand," you said.

"I'm stopping this," I whispered.

You came to realization and then shock. "But—" you started.

I put my hand up to silence you. "You can't give me what I need," I said as tears came to my eyes. "I'm letting this go. I'm letting you go. It's not fair."

_When she begs you not to go  
There is one thing you should know  
I don't have to live this way  
_

"Don't do this to us," you begged me. You held onto my shoulders as you said this.

Tears fell down my cold, red, cheeks. I took a deep breath. "I know you begged you to stay, just like I did so many other times. I'm not going to keep doing this."

You kissed me hard. You were pleading with me to take back what I was saying. I stayed strong; or at least as strong as I could be at that point. You pulled away looking to see if I had changed my mind. I shook my head. I knew I didn't have to live like this for the rest of my life. I knew I could do better, though I didn't want to.

I pushed you away from me and towards the door. "You don't know what you're doing," you said with pleading eyes.

I nodded my head and started to cry more. "Yes I do," my voice broke. "Now go."

I opened the door and gestured to him to leave. You were halfway out the door when you stopped and kissed me one more time. It was full of love and passion that I knew you had for me. I pulled away still needing my strength to let you go. You held my face in your hands and whispered, "I love you, Jude."

You walked out and I closed the door. I leaned against it and covered a sob. "I love you, Tommy," I whispered to my self. "But so does Sadie."

_Baby, why don't you stay, yeah  
Oh_

_

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I know it's sad. But in my defense...there was no way you could make this happy. But the good news is Jude stood up for herself right?? Please leave AWESOME REVIEWS!! I hope you liked it.


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